Alt Friday 5 questions
I am not going to make an ibarw post because just thinking about trying to disentangle the state of racial politics in Malaysia fills me with an urgent desire to go lie down, but these questions are sort of like IBARW for the indolent, hee.



From the altfriday5:

1. List 5 things which are basic common knowledge in your culture, which people outside are unfamiliar with. This is not about obscurity, but something everyday to you, that others go "bzuh?" at.

"Your culture" should be read as "the culture of the middle-class, English-educated Malaysian Chinese".

i) You are not expected to move out from your parents' home after university, unless you start working in another city or country, or you get married. You may continue living with your parents even after you get married. If you're single and you want to move out for any reason short of a massive family bust-up, prepare to face a lot of opposition from hurt parents.

ii) You are expected to be bilingual at a minimum. Depending on your race and where you live, you may get heartily mocked for not speaking the local dialect(s) as well. Learning to speak a new language, at least well enough to order food and converse with people in shops, is not considered a big deal or at all difficult. Language classes are often considered unnecessary: many of your friends will have learnt Cantonese from TVB, and will express mild surprise that you didn't.

In every language you speak, you will probably have the wrong accent, by which I mean that it will be obvious that you are not a "native speaker" by the standards of those who consider themselves as owning the language. Even if English is your first language, it will be Malaysian English, and English-speaking Westerners will inform you that you are not a native speaker even though you speak and write and think and dream in this language. If you speak Cantonese, you will understand Hong Kongers, but they will find your accent weird. And so on and so forth.

(Of course the rule doesn't come without exceptions; if you are Malay and speak Malay your accent is probably okay by everyone's standards, and if you have a bendy tongue why not pick up a British/American accent in three months, as lots of international students have been known to do? But it surprised me when I found out that Malaysian Chinese apparently sounds weird to Mainlanders and Hong Kongers; it hadn't occurred to me that even our Chinese isn't the pure kind.)

iii) The concept of paiseh (segan in Malay). I think something like this is common across many Asian cultures: it's the idea that you should try your best not to inconvenience anyone, and if you do inconvenience them, you should be loudly embarrassed about it. Of course you don't have to be sincerely paiseh, so long as you put up a proper appearance of it. Basically the system is designed so that your friends and family never have to be openly rude to you. So e.g. you visit an aunt's house. Your aunt offers you food. You say no no no please do not put yourself out of your way, no really we've eaten already, no we're so full already please don't bother.

If your aunt wants, she can now withdraw her offer of food, so she doesn't have to appear inhospitable even if she doesn't really want you to eat her delicious biscuits that her son got her from Japan. More likely your aunt would be paiseh to have you over at her house and not give you anything to eat, so she will shower you with food, and you can roll in agonies of paiseh yourself for having inconvenienced her so much. It's kind of like a game, and the politest person wins!

I say aunt because the older a person is, the more paiseh they are likely to be. It's supposed to be okay to be less paiseh with your friends, but really being friends with someone makes it even more important to remember to be properly paiseh with them, because it's awful for everyone if you are not sufficiently paiseh and offend them so that they actually have to tell you in so many words that they've got issues with your behaviour. Ouch!

I am not very good at being paiseh, sigh. It's because I'm so blur. I think being a geek and hence socially awkward can either help you be really paiseh or really unpaiseh: most Westerners are terrible at being paiseh, not having been trained to it, but if you are socially awkward and hence very very self-conscious and worried about offending people, that can imbue you with natural paiseh. But if your social awkwardness manifests as obliviousness to social cues and niceties, so that you forget to fight for bills when somebody offers to pay for a meal and ask for favours, the performing of which may be inconvenient for the askee, then there's no hope for you lah.

iv) You may not know anyone who has lost their virginity under the age of 20. Even if they did they probably wouldn't tell you, unless you were playing Truth or Dare or something. The idea that they may have lost their virginity outside of marriage even after the age of 20 is a bit shocking really. People do not date casually: they generally go into relationships expecting them to be relationships, and to be long term, and probably to end in marriage. (Note: possibly just a sheltered middle-class kid thing. And of course loads of people have premarital sex even in my world, but one doesn't talk about these things, particularly if anyone over 40 is in the room.)

v) It is okay to ask people what race and religion they are. Race is incredibly important: everyone knows it influences which schools you go to, which jobs you get, whether you'll be able to get a mortgage for a house, where that house will be, who you will marry, etc. etc. etc. On a day-to-day basis, it is useful to know these things so that you can be sure not to serve people something they are not allowed for religious reasons to eat, so you can speak the right language to them, and so you complain about the right government policies in front of them (and refrain from complaining about the wrong government policies).

2. What was the last book you read that was written by a person who is a different race than you? Do you seek out books written by people of other races? Why? Why not?

The Book of Margery Kempe. (She is probably not Chinese!) Yes, 'cos I read for pleasure in English and most books in English seem to be by white people. I am trying to read more books by non-white people, but should probably try harder.

3. What did you eat at dinner last night? Would you call it ethnic food? Why?

Just normal home-cooked food: rice with chicken and stuff. No, because it's a stupid term that doesn't tell you anything useful. I'd call Japanese food Japanese food and Malay food Malay and Chinese food Chinese and British food terrible -- kidding, kidding!

4. Has your gender presentation changed over the last 5 years? Has this change/lack of change been a deliberate choice on your part?

I think I'm becoming more femme. It's a conscious choice in the sense that I've always been pretty girly, but for a lot of my life was the geeky kid who slouched around in shorts and T-shirts and had major body issues and felt people would laugh at her if she wore dresses. I still do all three things, but I also wear dresses and like skirts and obsess over shoes, 'cos it's fun.

5. Do you discuss race and racism in your livejournal/blog or in person? Why have you made that choice?
Nnnyesometimes. Usually just 'cos I'm angry and need to say something or burst. I've gone off it a bit; I'm not sure it's constructive to be angry all the time, and it certainly isn't comfortable. I'd rather just read and learn and occasionally bitch about things with people I trust to take it the right way. It is a cowardly choice, I suppose, but in these matters I often don't have the energy or brains to have the courage of my convictions, though I'm more confident than I used to be.

6. Bonus question. Were you aware of International Blog Against Racism Week? Did you choose to participate in it? Why or why not?
Yes. No. Don't feel I know enough, or have anything useful to say.


My favourite picture today is this one:



The article is pretty awful, though. Found via wisdomeagle's excellent post (in)visibilities: race and trans*.